Thinking...

I stayed up until 2 A.M. last night. Most of the time I was thinking, "Would the rest of your life become happier without me in it. I always make you feel bad about yourself when the majority of the time, I'm the one thinking the bad thoughts first. I could feel down so easily over the silliest things. I'm sorry you have to deal with this most of the time. Why can't you just leave me and become happier? I would understand."

But..when I was watching T.V. while thinking about these things, I switched the channel to 'Grey's Anatomy'. I saw an elderly man asking the main character, "Did you tell her?" with the most worried look on his face. The main character had said, "No.." The man was happy to hear the thought. The background of this was that the elderly woman had to be taken to the hospital for a check. During her check up, they had found that she had a disease and was soon going to die. They could not do anything to save her since she was already in her mid 70's. The doctors made her spend the night. While she was a sleep, they had told her husband that she was going to die soon. He was in utter shock. He then made the decision of not telling her. The doctors tried to persuade him on telling her, but he begged them not to say anything. The man said, "Please don't tell her. I just want to spend the rest of our time happy together, without her worrying about dying at all. I just want the last few months seeing her happy and having herself happy as well." Later on, when she woke up and was ready to go, the man and women walked off together. He just wanted the last few moments with her to be the happiest women in the world.

After that, I busted out in tears. Not because of thinking I don't have that kind of life. I want to live our lives like that. Living life to the fullest and becoming an old, happy couple, that would do anything for each other to make each other happy. Even though we have our ups and downs, I don't want to lose you. I want to keep living my life with you, being as happy as we can be. Let's try not to think about anymore bad things. I really do love you, Dandrich.

She cries when you do or say something wrong. This is her way of saying “That hurt only because YOU said it and I love YOU and only YOU. If I didn't cry and have these sad feelings at all, that would mean I wouldn't have cared for you at all, but I did cry and was feeling sad all because I have these strong feelings for you. I love you.”