Surviving

If it were not for this guy, I would have gone delusional and think many miserable, insignificant thoughts. Who would have thought that I was lucky enough to find him.

Summer time, I was in a dreadful relationship that I wanted to get out of badly. I found myself simply slipping away from a relationship and not caring about the consequences at all. I was debating many times, for months, "Is this worth it? Do I even love him anymore?" This makes me seem like a terrible person, but I was not considering this as true love. I mean, would anyone stay in a relationship like that when one could not have any more feelings for the other person? Some surely try, but undoubtedly failed.

Eventually, more into the summer, I became a volunteer in a care home just for the hell of it. Did not realize that my life was going to shift to a different direction than what I have been thinking through my mind constantly.

I was having many conflicts with my past relationship and was getting quite irritated by him all the time. I fell out from loving him a month before summer time has started, but I just played along with it sadly to see how the relationship progressed. I was not even considering his strong feelings for me at all from that time and felt like there was no way out. I have been with him for two years and was realizing many times that he was not the one for me. I eventually broke up with him when I knew that I should just move on and control my own life. I would have gone crazy if I had to stay in that relationship with no progression for the rest of my life. I broke up with him once already, but again? He knew this was coming too, so it was not so emotional such as to crying and having to repetitively ask, "How?! Why! What did I do wrong?" Though it seems like I have been an ass, I have been. But, I truly did care for him.

During the time I was in that horrid relationship, I showed up to the care home one day, finding two new volunteers. One of each has changed my life for the better. We did not talk with each other when we first met since I showed up alone, finding myself in an awkward situation because they had each other to talk with and I had no one. I kept wanting to talk with them, but was too shy. Eventually, we had moments to talk with one another, but only small conversations.

I soon brought my good friend, Briana, to help me volunteer since I was feeling like a real loner not having someone to talk to during my time there. I was really glad she had came, otherwise I would have been really shy towards the person who change part of my life and not have spoken with him at all. Thanks Bri! Anyways, there was a day that I spoke with him, just one on one, and I found myself having a crush on him. I thought to myself, "Hey! Maybe there's a chance with him," then I thought about it through out the week and was thinking, "I don't think he would have any feelings towards me." There was something that kept pulling me towards him more though that I liked. There was a time when I saw him and his friend asking for papers for more volunteers to come at the care center and I suddenly became worried. I did not think through really if he was taken or not and found my heart dropping from the thought. The week passed and the thought still lingered in my mind. Briana was asking if I had more feeling towards this guy and she had reminded me that I was already taken, which sadden me. I was sure that I was breaking up with the past relationship, not because of a simple crush on a guy, but realizing that it was not going anywhere and had no feelings left. Bam, broken up.

As time moved on, me and Briana brought another friend to the care center. The others also brought more friends to volunteer. All that time, I was thinking, "Did he bring his girlfriend? I think I'll just stay away from him for a bit." As soon as I saw him with a guy friend, I sighed out of relief that it was not a girl, but the question still was popping up in my mind. Evidently, having new volunteers there was a crazy/fun day and we all enjoyed it. Though, when I got home, I could not stop thinking about him and my heart was racing every time I thought about him. I would just sit there in my room and then randomly, he comes into my mind. I could not wait to have seen him the next week.

The volunteers had to do a singing performance for an event, so we had practice every often. When me and my friends showed up to the care center, I had seen the guy I had liked and felt my heart beating fast and myself shaking a bit. Briana could see I was falling for this guy, but my other friend, Arvin, did not see it yet. As the time passed, all volunteers had to go practice singing. Sometimes I would find myself trying to stare at him, but I did not want to make it obvious, so I distracted myself and had fun. Practices ended; me and the guy had always found ourselves asking if one another is coming the next day or week and said our byes. I was thinking a bit if he considered to like me in a way, but still thought it was not possible.

As more time had gone by, it was nearing the event, nearing the end of summer vacation, and was getting sad by the thought of that. We had to do final practices before the event, and me and the guy had no idea if we were going to go practice once more, so I had the idea of asking for his number and calling. I thought he felt awkward giving out the number, so I felt a bit uncomfortable when he dialed it, like he did not want to at all. But that was my thought. I called him eventually asking if he was going, but it led up to a 3 hour phone call, just talking. I just called to see if he was going, but did not want to hang up either. I had fun talking with him on the phone that night and we find out more stuff about each other. We had spoke on the phone for many hours, several times that week.

When I went to volunteer with Briana, he was there with his other friend only and it was the four of us. We went out walking towards the place with the grocery store, Lucky's, and he had done something really nice while walking. Oddly, he kept picking flowers near the side-walk and kept giving them to me. Briana kept staring at me, smiling and laughing, while I was just accepting the many flowers. As we walked back to the care center, he had 'found' a white rose and had given me it. I was really happy and thought it was very generous of him, but then I felt my heart pounding afterward, so I walked faster than them with Briana and was smiling often. After they had to go, I was wondering why he did that and flooded Briana with many questions on that matter. She was thinking that we both liked each other.

Briana was right. Me & the guy, Dandrich fell for each other, but we actually found out a couple days after the event ended. I was worried that it wouldn't have worked out because of him going to different schools and I was thinking that the event was the last time I would have seen him. Apparently, he was going to tell me during the event, but he never got the chance to. I would have never thought he would have liked me like that and asked me out. He had asked me out on August 15, 2009 at 11:27 P.M. We got even more closer talking on the phone and had fun moments together on the weekends when we had the chance to. We eventually fell in love with each other, which made our relationship even better and we could not stop smiling about it for two hours when we told each other. Even though we had some rough things that we went through, we made it through.

He's the person I feel so comfortable with, on many things. I have this feeling when you know you truly love someone, every time you meet is like the first time you fall in love. I love this feeling, he loves this feeling. Every time I see and speak with him, my heart pounds fast and slow, not wanting to stop any feelings for him. But what sucks is the more you love that person, any little possible problem, even if it's small, hurts even more than what you usually deal with. That is the price of falling in love, but it is worth it.

I know this is only 2 months together now, but hopefully it will last long.
I love you, Dandrich! Sorry for some mistakes that I have done sometimes. Thank you for everything that you have done for me.

Rawr you.