Jesus fucking Christ.

Wow, mother fucker. Bitterly angry. Asked mom earlier if I could go to a dance with Dandrich. Asked her if she could sign the paper if I could go to the dance. She was like, "No" and I asked why, she then said, "Because it's at night." I was thinking, "Fuck that, mother fucker." I was extraordinarily mad because that was her god damn answer. I really wanted to go because it was Dandrich's last year at Vintage until college, I wanted him to have fun and not miss events. Wanted him to still go, even if it was with someone else. Stupid bitch. Like I would do anything stupid, or get hurt in some way. I fucking hate drinking, smoking, and doing some other stupid shit. I believe she does not trust me enough. Can not wait until I'm fucking 18 and go out more. It's like I am imprisoned in this house, not having the chances of going out a lot, while other kids get to have some freedom and fun. Some of the things my mom says does not even make any damn sense. I realize already a lot of things. Though, a lot of kids go out and do stupid shit. Fuckers ruin it for me because mom would think something like their stupid incidents and slip ups would happen to me. Whatever, just two more damned years under her fucking rules. Not even done ranting, but I'll end it here. It's just one simple night out for a dance. Friends keep telling me my mom just only cares. I know, I know, now Shut the fuck up. Really irritates me when they repeat that. I already know. Just wanted to go out for a bit. I apologize to Dandrich for you hearing this, and wasting your time getting the paper to me and stuff.

Delivery!

Woo, school. No, just kidding. Disgusting. Had to tutor Geia, my so called 'niece' or 'little sister'. Didn't really have to tutor her that day, so I made her walk with me to JBHS to watch Briana and Maria play Tennis. Did not get see them play, but got to joke around with them. Took pictures. Geia started to get bored and Dandrich was already coming, so we left and went to the Sophomore lockers. Had to leave Geia there for a bit and ran to Dandrich to get the 'Vintage Homecoming 2009' paper. He was the highlight of my weekday for school. Yay. He had to leave, so I went back to get my stuff in the locker and walked with Geia back home. People kept saying, "Is that your little sister!?" I was like, "Suuree...!" Walked home, played music while walking back. Made Geia tired, and she fell a sleep on my bed. Then she had to leave. I was really happy I got to see Dandrich for just a couple minutes at least today. Hated that we go to different schools.

Whoa, movies.

Went to movies with friends; Sarah, Mariano, Mariel, Maria, Briana, Dandrich!
Me and Sarah got there first, so we went to that one furniture store..next to Office Max..?




After 30 minutes, me and Sarah walked to the front of the movie theater and saw Mariano there. Talked with him. Then Maria and Briana showed up. After a bit, Mariel! I hella tackled them and hugged them tight. Apparently Sarah wanted to leave and felt like she didn't belong there. I can NOT handle situations like that because people should not think like that. I think that people don't even bother to try hard enough to talk with other people and go into isolation. So, she called her cousin to ask if she can get picked up so she can go home. All I was thinking was ,"What the fuck man, you wanted to come, and now you want to leave right away?" I tried to tell Mariano to talk with her so he could some-what stop her from leaving. While that happened, the rest of us were talking with each other and in my mind I was wondering if Dandrich was coming. We were waiting to watch 'Cloudy, with a Chance of Meatballs.' The movie was about to start in less than 20 minutes, so people started to buy tickets. I kept stopping Mariel and Maria from buying their tickets because I wanted to wait for Dandrich to come. I refused to buy my ticket until he came. Briana, Mariano, and Sarah went in because the movie was getting close to starting. I caved and we bought the tickets. I bought two tickets so I could give one to Dandrich since I did not want him to pay. After we bought the tickets, Mariel, Maria, and I were all like, "Let's go to Jamba Juice! I want Jamba Juice!" So, we missed the beginning of the movie, while the others watched, and walked to JJ. Bought JJ for the rest who didn't go and joked around with Mariel and Maria. Hella fun. Love them.


Walked back to the movie theater holding a lot of JJ drinks. Worried were Dandrich was. Went inside the movie theater. Bought more snacks. I blame Maria. Made them wait until Dandrich was there. Dandrich called and said he was outside, but I didn't know how I could get him inside because I forgot I had the other ticket with me. I'm truly sorry I was acting like a total bitch at that moment. He bought another ticket when I was about to go outside and get him with the ticket I bought for him. When he came inside, I just threw my other ticket on the ground, creating an unnecessary scene in front of my friends and made my boyfriend feel bad. FML. Really sorry for that. Went to the room that had 'Cloudy! With a Chance of Meatballs' playing, found Mariano, Sarah, and Briana at the top. Sat next to them. Of course, felt bad for what I did and thought about Dandrich the whole time. I enjoyed the movie though. It was fantastic and funny. I wanted to see the beginning, oh well. I give it a 8.5/10. Me, Dandrich and Mariel stayed a bit longer for credits. Went outside and Briana had to leave. Dandrich wanted to check places for costume stuff, so I decided that we should all go to Party City. Walked there and joked around with friends. Basically went into 3 groups. Me with Dandrich, Mariano and Sarah, and Maria with Mariel. Dandrich tried looking for stuff that he could wear for a parade. Saw Mariano and Sarah play around with hats, and Maria and Mariel staring at the candy. Dandrich called a couple people to ask what he should get. While he did that, I kept going back to the glasses rack to wear those big giant glasses and took pictures.





I really loved those glasses, so I bought them and forcefully made Dandrich buy his things now instead of later. Bought the stuff. Maria had to go, so we tried to take a group picture real quick. Took a group picture, would show it, but Mariano has it and too lazy to get. Maria left. Nooo! My love. Then decided to go to Target. Was kind of being a bitch again when Dandrich did not want to be in the picture at all, so I walked away fast, alone. They caught up, and I was ehh. Walked down the path, found ourselves in Target. Me and Dandrich looked the sun glass section and the others went to the electronics. Mariano had to leave. Mariel and Sarah found us. Mariel had to leave because her mom was in Target.


Looked around the cards section with Sarah and Dandrich, trying to fix Sarah's money since she crumples it in her pocket. Hate when people do that, even hate myself if I do that when rushing. Decided to go to McDonald's. Saw a few people from JBHS, such as Richard. Bought food. Ate a bit, then step dad came to pick me and Sarah up. I was acting like a bitch once again and did not want to leave Dandrich alone in McD's. Was mad that he didn't want to go to my house and wait for his dad to pick him up. Finally left, leaving him there. I was utterly sad/mad that I just left him there. Went home. Sarah and I just joked around. Sarah left later on. I was tired. School next day. Fun.
I hate acting like a bitch. God damn myself.

What a beautiful night.

This time, Dandrich came later on Saturday than usual. 4:00 PM. A shorter time to be with him, but as long as I get to see him, it's perfectly fine. Just hung out in my room for a while. Watched TV. My parents had to go somewhere, so we had the opportunity to just hang out a lone in the garage. When they left, me and him just messed around the garage, looking at old things that were piling in there. Opened the garage door..thing, whatever. Sat down on the ground and looked up at the sky. It was night time and the street lights were turning on. The night sky is absolutely beautiful to me, but oh how I wished I could see more stars in the sky. Damn city lights make them hard to see here. One of my wishes was to lay at the top of a hill with him, just the two of us and just stare at the sky from sunset to moonrise, with the stars twinkling upon us. I truly hate being in the dark, really scared of utter darkness, but since Dandrich was there, I had nothing to worry about. He keeps me safe. I then made him listen to one of my all time favorite songs, "Hold Your Tears" by Clazziquai. Clazziquai is a Korean group, but they sung this in English. They also have a Korean version, but I prefer this version. This song might not be of an interest to other people, but this song just makes me so calm and relaxed. I love how this song has some form of Jazz in it, it just makes me want to Waltz or slow dance with Dandrich. We just sat there, listening, looking up at the sky. I loved that moment because I just wanted to freeze time, staying there with him, never wanting him to leave. After a while, we got up and played around in the front yard. I was really hyper, don't know how. Spun each other around. Then we kept looking into each others eyes and kissed, underneath the beautiful night sky. How I truly wished that perfect moment could last forever. Alas, he had to go, said our 'Farewells' and left. 8:00 PM.

Hold Your Tears - Clazziquai

Miss you, Dad..

Had to go see my dad one last time for the viewing. So glad Sarah came along with me or else I would go out of my mind crazy. Mom seriously pissed me off the whole entire day. Just wanted to go home and relax. Did not want to do that stupid shit, just wanted my dad to rest in peace. Everyone of the family on dad's side and even friends just visited dad's viewing, saw him, then talked with each other loud about annoying crap. I mean what the hell, what kind of viewing was this, not respectful to me, but whatever. At least he's in peace now. Jesus Christ.
Hated Sunday. Liked Monday about because we all went to eat at Golden City Buffet. Delicious.
Good thing though, I got to skip school on Tuesday!

God Damn.

Dandrich came over.
Walked all the way to Target from my house. Damn us for not driving yet! Had fun walking there and talking about random things.
In Target, walked around looking at the clothes, games, dvds, etc. Suddenly I get a phone call from my mother. She fucking gives me an attitude most of the time when I'm out somewhere else and tells me to go home because I had to go somewhere with her last. Got me hella irritated, but Dandrich was calming me down. Absolutely love him. All I wanted to do that day was just be with him and not think about my dad. Later, we went to Wendy's to eat and had to walk home. Had fun walking home with him.
Got home, mom pissed me off and I just left Dandrich inside the house while I went out the front door and sat in the front bench. I wanted to fucking punch a wall or some shit because of her. I was so tired of her shit about dad dying and stuff that needed to be done. Dandrich came to calm me down and was playing with my iPod. Weirdo tried to play the guessing what music it is game on there... without the earphones, but later with. He got almost half, surprisingly.
Had to go visit Uncle and Auntie, brought Dandrich along. When we went there, I was worried about Dandrich because it was my family and I was not sure about how he was feeling. I tried to tell my mom to hurry up because Dandrich had to get picked up soon, but it was longer than expected and had to wait until 7~8. Saw my niece, Micah. She's hella dope, love her. I also saw my little nephew, which is Micah's little brother. I swear to god, he never gets tired, he's always hyper. Played/messed with him and took pictures of him because he kept asking while Dandrich sat there watching. Took pictures with Dandrich on his phone too. We eventually left and went back to my house. Dandrich then got picked up by his dad.
I swear, mom needs to stop bitching at me and giving me attitudes. Can't calm the fuck down.
Still love her though, but she irritates me a lot.

1 Month

Together for one month now. Woo!
Could not do much due to us being long distant from each other, no ride, & school day.
Happy one month together..Anniversary...! Dandrich!
I love you.

His Friends

So, Dandrich invited me to go to the movies with his friends.
It started as...
Dandrich came over, walked over to Wardlaw. Quality time!
We eventually walked all the way to the plaza. For some odd reason, he kept timing how long it would take to walk there and so we tried to beat them time to get there. Grr you! As we were walking...fast there, I kept thinking in my head, "What if they do not like me? Oh no.." I was getting scared when we were more closer to the movie theater. We got tickets, and found his friends sitting in the middle seats. We watched '9' because of 9/9/09. I think it was an okay movie, I thought it would have been better, but ehh. Did not grab my interests much. Movie was done.
Dandrich and his friends went to the parking lot, found out they all could get helllaa loud together. I finally met Roman, who had threatened me to go to his party last time. Vince was there too, met him in Vallejo Care Center. He threatened me too! With Roman! Jesus Christ, if I can't go, that means I can not go, calm down. There was also, Gunnar, two Roberts,...John Abboud, I can say his name, I just can not spell it. I am sorry! I got in a car with Roman, Robert, John Abboud, and Dandrich. Roman suddenly wanted to hear, 'You Belong With Me' by Taylor Swift, so I was like okay, he's awesome. Dandrich made me play it on my phone since I had it and Roman started singing to it. Haha, fun. We went to Best Buy, and they kept going around the DVD sections. Loud friends, but funny. Then this one Best Buy guys came towards them and asked about if they need help. One of them said something and the Best Buy guy was like, "So it depends on what kind of action you want.." or something like that. All of them just started hella crackin' up and scattered away from the guy. I was like, "What the fuck happened.." because I did not really pay attention to what the guy said. I was confused. Then we all left Best Buy, but apparently, they just left Gunnar in there, so we waited a bit. Then they were debating on where to go, but I was getting worried because if it was far, I would have gotten in big trouble. We went to that one music/DVD store near Target, and they just made so many inside jokes in there. After, we went to Tacobell, I did not eat. All of them did though. Then got dropped home. Dandrich walked me to the front door, said bye bye. But then when I went inside and looked out the window, I started laughing because Dandrich was waving like a princess would and they just kept trying to drive off without him getting into the truck.
Crazy, weird, funny, cool ass friends. I was kind of disappointed though because Eloy and Thomas didn't go and I already knew them, so I would have talked more.

Hallelujah!

The first thing that came to my mind was, "OH MY FUCKIN` GOD, YES!"
When my counselor called my house the day before, I thought I was in big trouble. My mom gave me the phone, I spoke with my counselor, then suddenly she gave me options about schedule changes. When she told me that I could switch from that evil English Honors class, I was thinking, "This has to be a lie, oh hell no this would not happen in a million years!"
I then found myself wrong! Today was absolutely the best day in the school year. I was waiting for that schedule change paper for my name all during first period & second, but then my hopes dropped when it was break, thinking it would not come. But when third period came, and Mr. Garrison called my name, I jumped from my seat and walked fast towards the paper. The first thing I saw when I opened it was "Dropped/Added." I could not wait to get out of Ms. Hill's class. When I went to her about the schedule change though, she was purely disappointed in me for making a bad decision like that. The stare and speech from her made my skin crawl and my whole body shake. I knew I was going to regret what I have done, but I could not stand her class. The only purpose I went into that class was because of my friends joining in freshmen year. Boy, I've learned my lesson on following people and just making my own decisions now.

Chu~

Still thinking about what we had said to each other. Ahh, what love can do to a person. It can make your mind all scrambled. You can not think straight and you would feel your heart pounding at the thought of it. Don't you love it?
Dandrich came over, walked around JBHS. I was still amazed at the fact that I could be with such a wonderful person like him. We then walked to Wardlaw because I wanted to show him around my old Elementary school. He then said if we could go to the field. We went to the field and played around the dome things. I seriously get paranoid about bugs, so I kept trying to get away from the plants with them.
We eventually just laid on the grass, trying to look at the sky, but failed because of the sun. Moved to a more shady spot and just talked about random things. I don't know why, but I found that I tend to look at insignificant things for the longest time. If Dandrich tried making me stare at him straight in the eye, I would just automatically look at something else, like his hand trying to block the sun from his view. He kept trying to mess with me and made me look at many different things, which got me confused. Thanks.
But then, we just laid there for a bit. I was thinking that something was going to happen that I thought about for the past week, and we were talking about it too. I then stared at him, suddenly caught off guard he said, "Can I kiss you..." and just went for it and kissed me. My heart was pounding twice as much again because I actually liked this feeling. I kept being the negative person I am and thought I was not going to like it. But I did. We kept kissing for let's say...15 minutes or more. Then we got interrupted but soccer people. Damn them! We got up and then walked to the plaza to get something to eat.
Most magnificent week. We both said 'I love you' to each other multiple times now & our first kiss together.

You knocked me down badly

Why? Oh, why?

This feeling, I ask why over and over again. Repeatedly. So, Dandrich Patriarca, why?

I have not really consider this, but you made me realize the most miraculous thing I thought I would not think in a million years.

Whenever I get the chance to talk with you, my heart just feels like it's going to explode. I get nervous, scared, and intoxicated all at the same time. When I see you, my heart freezes and then pounds so badly. I just want to melt away from the thought of you. Just the presence of you makes me fall head over heels. My mind would never stop thinking about you. I consider the many possibilities, but it always leads up to one conclusion. It would usually take a long time for people to have this feeling, but you, how did you do it so quickly? Every time I see you, I automatically smile and the bad thoughts would blow away and disappear into thin air. Do you think the same of me? Is this too fast?

We talked about the topic all day. Were you scared to say it? I know I was scared. I thought, "What if he does not feel the same way. Would I scare him away? Would I risk hurting myself to know his feelings?" It eventually led up to midnight and the questions were getting extremely close to saying it. Our hearts could not stop pounding. I felt shaky and was sure that one of us was going to ask a certain question that would finally express our true feelings.

The question was then ask. I felt as if the question blew me away and could not speak. We both answered eventually. We were both afraid. He finally said it.

"Joanna, I think it's okay to say that...I love you." As the words came out of his mouth and into my ears, I was too much in shock. I finally said, "..I love you too" and felt my heart pounding twice as much. I was overjoyed to hear the thought of our true feelings. We could not stop smiling for about an hour. It was 2:16 AM when we said it. I know it has only been a short time since we have been together, but it feels like it was the right time already. I do not really care about the time frame, what I thought that mattered was how close you were to that person and the feelings of each other. All the other things would not matter.

I fell for him, and he fell for me. We just basically fell in love.