Halloween

Today is Halloween, on a Saturday!
As I woke up, the first thought that came to mind was, "Parrttyy at Dandrich's Auntie's house for Mattie's birthday!" Went to go get ready and my parents kept rushing me to hurry up. I was debating if I should bring my Halloween costume there because I wanted to go trick or treating with them if they did go. Took me a while and I was getting stressing since my mom usually wouldn't let stay at these kinds of things, which pisses me off. We went to the house, saw Dandrich and his cousin, then went upstairs with them. Dandrich and his cousin were playing 'Silent Hill' on the PS2. I just sat there, quietly watching. If you know me, I'm a shy person if I don't know you really. A bit later, they had to go make punch for the party, went downstairs with them, watched them cut strawberries and I went to my parents because I didn't want to get in the way. Parents kept telling me to go help them, but I refused and watched as they went back and forth into the kitchen and then to the dining room. Then we got food, went upstairs again and started to watch a few scary movies. As we were sitting and eating while watching, Dandrich could not cut the meat and he accidentally tried cutting it hard and the knife or fork went through the paper plate and some of the food spilled. Haha. My parents were telling me that we had to go, but I didn't want to leave at all. I had asked Dandrich to ask his mom to convince my parents to let me stay there so I could trick or treat with them. Auntie spoke with them and it had worked. Got my Halloween costume from the car, and said 'bye' to them. Later on, his cousin had to go do a few things, so she had left the room and me and Dandrich were just sitting there. Joked around with him a bit and made out a little. His cousin came back with a few of her friends. Sat there watching a scary movie still. Moments later, they had to go out to get some food and left me and Dandrich alone again. Made out a bit more, then we decided to go walk to the park. Walked to the park in boots with heels, don't ask me why I wore those. He pointed out the old house he used to live in and then we relaxed on the playground set..thing. Watched the sunset, which I absolutely love watching. I loved just laying there with him, well, I just love him in general. I wished that time would freeze and I could stay laying there with him forever and just relax all day. Time flew by, and it was time for us to walk back because it was getting dark. We got back, went upstairs and I changed into my 'Pirate' outfit (In a way...) He just wore a Power Ranger mask. Loser! Nojk, I love you. That mask was cool and awesome. His cousin was a kitty..maid? Haha. She looked cute! Just saying. Went trick or treating with Mattie and Auntie too. Dandrich had problems wearing the mask because he could hardly see or breath in it. Forgot which was it. A bit later, Mattie had to go back to the house, and we just continued going around asking for candy. It was fun, Dandrich didn't bring a pillow case because he got lazy and was holding Mattie, so we shared. Came back and went upstairs. We didn't get much candy, but it was all good. Ate again before I went home. Dandrich's dad came and picked us up and dropped me off home. I was seriously tired when I got home, but I started to eat candy, got a bit hyper, but crashed later on. Never going to forget about this Halloween because it was one of my favorites. Fun, fun!

Happy 16th Birthday!

Despise the fact that I ruined part of my birthday going to San Francisco. It was a fun birthday. Stupid ass AT&T phone bill though, mother fuckers. Anyways! On to my birthday.
Happy 16th Birthday to dear Claire and I. We're getting old. It was both our birthdays, same month, same day, and same year surprisingly. I never found someone who had the same birthday as me until now. Got to love her. Hope she had a fun birthday as I did.



I love my friends for baking so many things...so..many..sweets. Crazy people, where's my presents that I could actually save!? I have to eat all my presents. Love you guys though, thanks so much. Kuya Jon and Chris surprisingly made me a scavenger hunt, which had 16 clues due to me turning 16. During lunch though, Sarah, Chris, and kuya Jon tried kidnapping me. Sarah held me down, while Chris and kuya sprayed me with silly string. I was screaming, all covered in silly string. I eventually escaped and got the silly string off me. Then kuya just gave me the rest of the clues since he knew I could not finish them all. The last clue was supposedly leading me to the VCAT room, which is where we all became good friends, but no time. He had made me cookies and brownies, but kuya gave out the brownies during lunch to people who wanted. What really ticked me off was that people begged for the sweets, some grabbed some without saying thanks, or not even good friends with us. Fuck you guys. Glad I said no to the people who kept asking for all my sweets, mine! What sucked more was when I went to 5th period, English. I had to put the Twix cupcakes my bestfriend Maria baked for me somewhere safe because of a stupid ass that kept harassing me for them. When 5th period was over, I found the cupcakes covered with ants. I was really sad when that happened because I never got a chance to eat even one, while my friends took the rest. Thanks a lot guys. So I had to throw those away. Then later, I had the cupcakes from Allyson, there were 6 delicious looking ones that spell my name out. After school, I had Sarah hold them for me while I threw away something. While I was walking, I suddenly heard something fall, so I quickly turned around, and found Allyson's cupcakes + the plate all messed up on the ground, and the plate had broken into pieces. I was literally pissed off and wanted to curse because both of my best friends worked hard to make those. At least I had one cupcake of Allyson's. Fucking shit though. After a bit, my friend grabbed me and Sarah, telling us a secret that he did, and promised us he would not do it again. He better, I swear to god. Me and Sarah then went to my house and waited for my step dad to pick up Dandrich so we could go out and eat. Step dad came home with Dandrich, which I decided to try and scare when they came in, but failed miserably. Waited a few more minutes and headed out to go out. They did not want to tell me we were going until a bit later. We went to eat out at Todai's in Concord. Yum. Tried different food, some were good, some tasted bad. The people that worked out Todai's brought me a piece of a cake, while everyone was singing "Happy Birthday" to me. Tried making a wish. Secret. Then ate the piece of the cake. Finished eating and went around the Concord mall with Sarah, Dandrich, and my cousin, Adrian. It was getting late, so we had to go home. Auntie Ester gave me 50$. Moneyyy~ It was night time, parents drove us home. While they were driving, I was just sitting in the back with Dandrich and Sarah. Stared into Dandrich's eyes most of the time thinking he is the best present I could ever ask for and not needing anything else. Dropped him home. Went to my house. Me and Sarah were dead tired. Sarah went home. Talked with Dandrich and got knocked out.




Thanks to;
Allyson Piduca - Cupcakes
Maria Haber - Twix Cupcakes
Kuya Jon Monzon - Cookies&Brownies
Claire Temporal - Brownies
Arvin Valmonte - Brownies
Mariano Mempin - Husky Plush
Sarah Ludy - Epik High Poster & [e] Epik High CD
Dandrich - Butterfly Bracelet
Auntie - $50
Parents - Everything(:

Golden City Buffet.

It was 40 days since my dad had died and apparently they have this thing where the family has to go out and eat or have a get together. Sarah came along and we all went to Golden City Buffet. Spent time with family. Ate and became fat. Oh no. Went home around 2 PM. Me and Sarah went to school to get her things from the locker, then walked home. We made cupcakes that did not fail, wooo! Next day, brought it to school and handed it for certain people. They apparently loved it. I feel so proud.

Silly me

He came over. Went to my room. He just stayed there, while I went to go check up on stuff around the house. Went back to my room. Apparently he told me he hid my birthday present in the bathroom, so I went to go check. Checked, nothing was there. Went back inside my room, told him I could not find it. He then told me to look around my room. Did not see it..until I looked on the ground, and it was just right there, laying on the floor. How can I be so blind? My carpet is brown, while the present was just pure white. I had almost stepped on it too. It was a beautiful butterfly bracelet. How dearly do I love it. Evil him for tricking me though. I love you though! He had also given me a cute penguin plush! Thank you so much for the presents. He also brought COD4 for me to try and play. In the COD4 box, he brought the drawings he made for me the other time, but apparently he kept forgetting to bring it until now. After, we went to go bake cupcakes. We kept messing around while baking them and we did not know how to make them at all. So we tried following the instructions on the box, but we failed when we saw it come out wrong...several times. During the process of baking, I played COD4, while he watched. I was really getting into the game, but I did not want to waste time on the game. I wanted to spend the precious time we had together with him. Went to my room and popped in a movie he had brought. He kept distracting me from the movie, so I did not really pay attention to it. Laid on the floor with him, just staring into his eyes. I felt like I wanted to fall a sleep in his arms, while he held me. We kept staring at each other until he suddenly kissed me. Did this until mom came home. I was sad, but it was simply amazing to just be with him like that. I never want it to end. Neither does he. He had to go home. Then, Sarah came over later on and slept at my house.

Rally Day!

That week was hella crackin'. Fun ass day too. I was seriously pumped for the rally.I had more pictures, but lazy to upload here. Class of 2012 mutha fuckas! (:

After school, mom took me to visit dad's grave. Prayed for him. Rest in peace, dad. Then went to iHop! iHop had flies, eww. Disgusting. Later on, mom took us home and we went walking around the neighbor. She apparently got us lost..two times! Fun though. It was also a beautiful night. What a lovely day.

The beautiful roses.

Another wonderful Saturday with the most amazing guy I could ever ask for.
He had brought me white roses. I absolutely love roses, despite my name having rose in it. I was in total awe when I saw him walking towards me with them. It reminded me when he handed me that one single white rose near the Vallejo Care Center, where we first met. Simply beautiful.

“A relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts, no one knows. Love can erase an awful past, love can be yours, you'll see at last. To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die. You hope you've found that special rose, 'cause you love and care for the one you chose.”

Walked to Best Buy, looked around for scary movies. Found out that we could not buy it since it was rated R and we were under age. Damn you rated R. Went to Wendy's and ate. Called step dad to pick us up and asked him if he could buy us the movie "[Rec*]" which is the Spanish version of Quarantine. The Spanish version was so much better than the English. English dub was seriously funny though on the Spanish Version. Relaxed on the floor with Dandrich after. Then he went home.

And the stress keeps coming

I absolutely detest most of this week, not all, but most of the situations I had to deal with. Why am I going under a lot stress, when I should have been relaxed this year. I keep telling myself over and over again to just calm down and not care, but people just cause me to become more aggravated every fucking time. I swear to god, I am tired of this hell hole. Sooner or later I will break down and go insane because of the stress that never leaves me alone. I should just become a big fat loner, not caring about any one's problems and focus on school. But I can't since it is freakishly boring.

Why do people get depressed over the most simplest problems. If it's about love, people shouldn't even have to worry about it since it will come naturally to them. If a person likes another person, but the other person does not like them back at all, they should just move the fuck on. I mean seriously? I don't get what's the point if it gets no where. I seriously need to find someone who's fun to hang with and really understands my problems, because I really don't agree on a lot of things in my mind, but sadly, I just go along with what other people think.

From what I have been saying so far, I could get pretty negative and keep arguing differently on what the person does or say. I get so picky about a lot of subjects and rant about it for long periods of time. I should really learn to stop and just not think about it at all. Yay, for having mental problems! I just don't understand why people made the world become so complicated. If it were more simply and understandable, they wouldn't have to deal with so much conflicts such as wars, economy, etc.

Well, now ranting about how parents go off on their kids about grades. I mean, come on, we learn a little, we go to college, get a job because apparently the world makes us pick that option, and then we die eventually. Seriously, what the fuck? This causes so much stress when we get nothing in the end. Though, there are some things that let us have fun. Ughhh. My mother gets me so irritated when she speaks 'loud' to me, but I consider it yelling. How the fuck can she understand what I go through, and she goes off about one single letter grade. Freakin' wow. She does not even understand most of the subjects I take and she goes off on me about it? I would be more responsible if she would talk to me calmly, but fuck no, she keeps pressuring me. So basically, I'm thinking fuck nooo, whatever. Another matter is a few friends are...ugh man. But not going to say anything about that. Really sick and tired of these damn situations that are ridiculous.

Fuck this week so far, friends made me irritated, someone made me all mad/sad and got my boyfriend all ;lkjgefrlkj. Sorry! Also, just found out that a friend's house got broken into, so very sorry for that! I hope the family is alright and him also.
I was also going to watch Paranormal Activity today, but that did not work out so well, the only movie I really wanted to watch. Oh well, maybe some other time. Came home, hours later, mom was going off on me, made me really pissed off, which made me post about this. Fucking damn.

I'm done.

Don't you love this Love/Hate emotion?

So I was talking to Sarah about this guy she liked. She really liked him than other guys, but I don't get why.
So I asked her, "Don't you love that emotion when you hate seeing other girls around that one special guy, but you love it since you know 'yourself' cares for that one certain guy? Out of all the people in the world, you pick just that person." Her response, "Yes.."
As we were waiting in the car, in the dark night, waiting for her mom. I sat there, thinking to myself, "Tcch...I love that feeling too, but it also hurts..."

"When you are in love and you get hurt, it’s like a cut... it will heal, but there will always be a scar."

Surviving

If it were not for this guy, I would have gone delusional and think many miserable, insignificant thoughts. Who would have thought that I was lucky enough to find him.

Summer time, I was in a dreadful relationship that I wanted to get out of badly. I found myself simply slipping away from a relationship and not caring about the consequences at all. I was debating many times, for months, "Is this worth it? Do I even love him anymore?" This makes me seem like a terrible person, but I was not considering this as true love. I mean, would anyone stay in a relationship like that when one could not have any more feelings for the other person? Some surely try, but undoubtedly failed.

Eventually, more into the summer, I became a volunteer in a care home just for the hell of it. Did not realize that my life was going to shift to a different direction than what I have been thinking through my mind constantly.

I was having many conflicts with my past relationship and was getting quite irritated by him all the time. I fell out from loving him a month before summer time has started, but I just played along with it sadly to see how the relationship progressed. I was not even considering his strong feelings for me at all from that time and felt like there was no way out. I have been with him for two years and was realizing many times that he was not the one for me. I eventually broke up with him when I knew that I should just move on and control my own life. I would have gone crazy if I had to stay in that relationship with no progression for the rest of my life. I broke up with him once already, but again? He knew this was coming too, so it was not so emotional such as to crying and having to repetitively ask, "How?! Why! What did I do wrong?" Though it seems like I have been an ass, I have been. But, I truly did care for him.

During the time I was in that horrid relationship, I showed up to the care home one day, finding two new volunteers. One of each has changed my life for the better. We did not talk with each other when we first met since I showed up alone, finding myself in an awkward situation because they had each other to talk with and I had no one. I kept wanting to talk with them, but was too shy. Eventually, we had moments to talk with one another, but only small conversations.

I soon brought my good friend, Briana, to help me volunteer since I was feeling like a real loner not having someone to talk to during my time there. I was really glad she had came, otherwise I would have been really shy towards the person who change part of my life and not have spoken with him at all. Thanks Bri! Anyways, there was a day that I spoke with him, just one on one, and I found myself having a crush on him. I thought to myself, "Hey! Maybe there's a chance with him," then I thought about it through out the week and was thinking, "I don't think he would have any feelings towards me." There was something that kept pulling me towards him more though that I liked. There was a time when I saw him and his friend asking for papers for more volunteers to come at the care center and I suddenly became worried. I did not think through really if he was taken or not and found my heart dropping from the thought. The week passed and the thought still lingered in my mind. Briana was asking if I had more feeling towards this guy and she had reminded me that I was already taken, which sadden me. I was sure that I was breaking up with the past relationship, not because of a simple crush on a guy, but realizing that it was not going anywhere and had no feelings left. Bam, broken up.

As time moved on, me and Briana brought another friend to the care center. The others also brought more friends to volunteer. All that time, I was thinking, "Did he bring his girlfriend? I think I'll just stay away from him for a bit." As soon as I saw him with a guy friend, I sighed out of relief that it was not a girl, but the question still was popping up in my mind. Evidently, having new volunteers there was a crazy/fun day and we all enjoyed it. Though, when I got home, I could not stop thinking about him and my heart was racing every time I thought about him. I would just sit there in my room and then randomly, he comes into my mind. I could not wait to have seen him the next week.

The volunteers had to do a singing performance for an event, so we had practice every often. When me and my friends showed up to the care center, I had seen the guy I had liked and felt my heart beating fast and myself shaking a bit. Briana could see I was falling for this guy, but my other friend, Arvin, did not see it yet. As the time passed, all volunteers had to go practice singing. Sometimes I would find myself trying to stare at him, but I did not want to make it obvious, so I distracted myself and had fun. Practices ended; me and the guy had always found ourselves asking if one another is coming the next day or week and said our byes. I was thinking a bit if he considered to like me in a way, but still thought it was not possible.

As more time had gone by, it was nearing the event, nearing the end of summer vacation, and was getting sad by the thought of that. We had to do final practices before the event, and me and the guy had no idea if we were going to go practice once more, so I had the idea of asking for his number and calling. I thought he felt awkward giving out the number, so I felt a bit uncomfortable when he dialed it, like he did not want to at all. But that was my thought. I called him eventually asking if he was going, but it led up to a 3 hour phone call, just talking. I just called to see if he was going, but did not want to hang up either. I had fun talking with him on the phone that night and we find out more stuff about each other. We had spoke on the phone for many hours, several times that week.

When I went to volunteer with Briana, he was there with his other friend only and it was the four of us. We went out walking towards the place with the grocery store, Lucky's, and he had done something really nice while walking. Oddly, he kept picking flowers near the side-walk and kept giving them to me. Briana kept staring at me, smiling and laughing, while I was just accepting the many flowers. As we walked back to the care center, he had 'found' a white rose and had given me it. I was really happy and thought it was very generous of him, but then I felt my heart pounding afterward, so I walked faster than them with Briana and was smiling often. After they had to go, I was wondering why he did that and flooded Briana with many questions on that matter. She was thinking that we both liked each other.

Briana was right. Me & the guy, Dandrich fell for each other, but we actually found out a couple days after the event ended. I was worried that it wouldn't have worked out because of him going to different schools and I was thinking that the event was the last time I would have seen him. Apparently, he was going to tell me during the event, but he never got the chance to. I would have never thought he would have liked me like that and asked me out. He had asked me out on August 15, 2009 at 11:27 P.M. We got even more closer talking on the phone and had fun moments together on the weekends when we had the chance to. We eventually fell in love with each other, which made our relationship even better and we could not stop smiling about it for two hours when we told each other. Even though we had some rough things that we went through, we made it through.

He's the person I feel so comfortable with, on many things. I have this feeling when you know you truly love someone, every time you meet is like the first time you fall in love. I love this feeling, he loves this feeling. Every time I see and speak with him, my heart pounds fast and slow, not wanting to stop any feelings for him. But what sucks is the more you love that person, any little possible problem, even if it's small, hurts even more than what you usually deal with. That is the price of falling in love, but it is worth it.

I know this is only 2 months together now, but hopefully it will last long.
I love you, Dandrich! Sorry for some mistakes that I have done sometimes. Thank you for everything that you have done for me.

Rawr you.

Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love.

I laugh at the thought that I knew this was going to happen. How could it not? Separate schools, different friends.
Just talking one day, then something had happened. It was night time, just saying random things to him, when suddenly, he went silently. I had stopped talking and worried about if I had done something wrong.
Later on, he had told me that his friend, ______, had liked him. What had gone wrong with my unfortunate mind. My mind was spiraling out of control. I sat there, frozen, several emotions were going through my mind. Even though it was nothing to worry about, I could not control my mind. I was being delusional and thinking the crazy, pathetic thoughts that would not even happen. I was thinking that he would change his mind on me and break up. Not even that, but to even cheat. I know he would not even try that, but my mind would not comprehend. I was also thinking, "Why me, she's prettier. Probably even more fun to hang out with. She's in the same school as you too, so why not her instead?" He kept trying to calm me down, seeing what was wrong with me. After ten minutes, I snapped out of my trance and quickly brought in my emotion of utter anger. I could not bear the thought of this any more and wanted to punch a wall, but did not. So I grabbed a random object and threw it against my wall. Why was it so hard to control my emotions over the most simplest matter. I blame love. I was crazy in love with this guy, not like before with other guys. Damned that emotion, jealousy.

Video Games

Dandrich came over on a Sunday this time. It was a rainy day, boohoo. Parents were fixing stuff in the back. Dandrich and I went to play the PS2 and xBox 360; Played Star Ocean and Condemned: Criminal Origins. I hella got scared of Condemned because the damn pop ups always scare me. Fun for him watching me play and jumping all over the place. Haha, fun.

Awfully Stressful

Mmhmm. Just wanted to relax for Friday, but apparently that did not work out until after school really. Thankful for Sarah and Dandrich cheering me up though, I can always count on them for the help~

Dandrich woke me up, got in a bit of a bad mood and got ready for school. Walked, went to class, felt my heart drop slowly as I thought more about it. Shouldn't even have to worry about it at all, but learning bit by bit still on how to control unnecessary thoughts. Could not stop thinking about what happened and which made me bomb my Algebra 2 Quiz, Oh well. Volleyball made me get mad because apparently I went in the 'Loser' side, but that's not what made me mad. I was not even paying attention at all in Volleyball and kept zoning out. Other team won, my team lost, woo! This is where I get a bit irritated. Apparently, a few people were complaining that some people did not deserve to go on the professional teams, not like they could do any better, so why bitch? Besides that, the teams were extremely good and the game was fun/intense to watch. Bravo to them! P.E. ended and it was time for break. I was really quiet, and I got irritated during this time. I was just thinking of a thing that bothered me from the morning, but for some odd reason... it was interpreted to be another problem that I did not resolve at that time yet, which I was getting to, but ehh. It really made my day quite stressful that I had to ignore my good friend since I did not want to deal with it at all from that point. Vented out my thoughts to a few people, thinking it would've made me feel a bit better and forget for a while, but did not actually work. This situation of me ignoring my good friend had hurt him and my heart just completely dropped from hearing that. Fucking damn... I was so sorry for doing that, I was just causing more stress than what it could have been an all time low. Felt awkward later on after school when I saw him, just tried to distract myself from talking to him, but still felt my heart dropping more as I did that. Best friend, Sarah! came to my house and cheered me up as usual, hurrah! Went to eat at Pho and became hyper when we went back to my house. We talked, laughed, and was crazy as our usually fun-self's do. Dandrich called in our crazy-ness and we were talking about odd things. Sarah went home, called back Dandrich and had vent all my thoughts to him about the problems. I absolutely love him, he listens to what bothers me and is pretty chill with everything and tries to help on what he can. Things became better when I finally spoke with 2 of the people I needed to talk with. They went to sleep, but chatted with more people a bit before hitting the hay.

Hopefully, Saturday will become a better day than Friday.

First Thought

After all these months, I have finally made a blog for myself. I was ever-so-tempted to a while back, but never came around to it until now. Hurrah!

Moving along...
My week has been a tad bit irritating, but it's been alright. I am trying to become a more relaxed and mellow person, instead of getting stressed and mad easily from the most simplest things that come to mind.

Let's start off with...
Monday, it was a brutal day for me.I thought it was going to be an ordinary boring day as usual, but I kept getting physically hurt instead. In P.E., we were playing Volleyball and the freakin' ball bruised my thumb and my arm. I am a failure at Volleyball apparently, but it's fun to watch others play. I also got bruised on the knee in my Humanities 10 class because of Marlon scaring the crap out of me. Sad I get scared so easily... Oh well.
Tuesday, I was pretty much worried about my friend doing something that he shouldn't have considered since it hurt him once already. Another note, I got knocked down in Volleyball, which made me even more bruised than I already was. Wooo! But anyways, after school, later at night, friend was perfectly fine when I was talking to him on aim, then went down hill after he signed out. He texted me and Briana things that made us worry and was hoping he would be okay the next day. Good thing my lovely love, Dandrich, gets me through the days or I would become really aggravated from these kinds of situations.
Wednesday, uh oh, what a bad day. I do not like short day schedules anymore, I don't know why. Started off with the friend not being alright. Me and Briana were wrong about that and it made us more worried when he would not talk at all. Just left him a lone the entire time to let him think, shouldn't have done that. Damn. Got home, tried cheering him up on aim for an hour or so. Geia, my so called 'niece' came to my house for tutoring, left my friend to tutor. Two hours later, came back and sees him get really moody. I was thinking 'fucking damn it' since I just got him a bit better a while ago. He falls a part, tried to help, but he kept denying the truth, so I basically just got irritated and let him be. Went to nap, came back again and finds out that he got a freakin' safety pin and marked his arms.
Thursday, fucking damn. I was really mad that he had done that and smacked him several times. After that, I just basically ignored him the entire day, trying to teach a lesson. I find people cutting or marking their arms really pathetic. Why the hell would anyone consider that a solution to solving a problem(s). Attention hoggers much? Other than that, calm/funny day. Sad that I didn't talk much with Dandrich though. Love you!

Well, that's pretty much what I have to say for now.


Rawr!

What the fuck!?

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST AGAIN!?
Wow, I seriously can not wait until I move out. Not letting me go celebrate Mattie's with them when they asked me if I wanted to go. Hmm, I do clearly blame some of this on myself, but entirely. Stupid bitch came in my room saying, "I am really angry at you." I was thinking, "I'm mad at you too, god." Telling me that I have a fucking curfew now because I came home at fucking 7. Again, others come home at 10~11. Now I have to go home at 5 PM? What the fuck is this shit. Then telling me I couldn't go out just because Dandrich's mom never told my mom about it to her. Then saying they're busy fixing the back. Pfft, lazy ass. Just a simple drive. But whatever, kind of glad I let Dandrich and his family just be together for the sister's birthday. After though, what pissed me off the most is when she thinks she cares about me, but not when dad fucking died. I literally broke down crying in front of her. She fucking did not care when dad need medical attention. She didn't even want go near him when my brother had no ride to get to the house when he was at dad's apartment. She fucking told my brother to take a taxi home, fucking messed. I literally felt like a part of my heart was ripped from my self having my dad dying. My life was spiraling downward to fucking hell. The thoughts of him slowly dying, alone in the apartment hurt me every single time. The worst part was I was not there when he died, I could not even contact him for the past 2 weeks. Fuck my life over and over again. Fuck you mom for hardly letting me visit.

Sorry for this post, I just had to. Fuck.

What a ruined night.

After this god damn crappy ass week, with the homecoming situation and all, finally got better when I spent time with Dandrich. Spent time with each other at Jesse Bethel. Went to Wendy's and ate. While we were eating, he was trying to seduce me with eating french fries/Chicken nuggets slowly. Putting the sauce on his lips and smearing it. Weird person. Then I was being weird and disgusting because he mixed pepper in the drinks, and I drank them, but could not taste anything, so I kept drinking them. Eww me. Mom then called while we were walking to Best Buy, giving me an attitude and pissing me off yet again as usual. Dandrich calmed me down and I insisted to go around Best Buy longer while we should have been walking home. I still wanted to spend more time with him since I ruined his Homecoming dance night. Mom called again, still pissing me off. Started walking home. Was walking slowly and joked around with him. Just being with him amazes me, I am really thankful for everything that happened between us. It was getting dark, but we saw the stars and the moon as we were heading for my house. Another beautiful night, until my mom fucking ruined it. Came home around 7, and she was mad at us for coming home late. Wow, mother fucking 7? While other kids come home around 10~11? Fuck this shit. No fucking trust. I was really irritated that she ruined that day for me, homecoming and all, and now getting mad for coming home around fucking 7 PM. Ugh, whatever. She should have let that go because she didn't even let me go to the dance.